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Occupying Loserville, USA

Well, I didn’t make it to the Occupy Wall Street or Occupy Las Vegas protests, but this week I did venture through the Occupy Inner Harbor in Baltimore and Occupy McPherson Square in Washington, DC. And I had to break out the ol’ Thesaurus to come up with all the appropriate words to describe the “massive” (had to be at least 3-4 dozen “occupiers” at each location!) contingent of protesters I witnessed at each venue. Let’s see…

Losers. Riff-raff. Misfits. Hippie wannabes. Epic fails. Dorks. Morons. Boobs. Schlemiels. Schlimazels. Fools. Lamers. Duds. Failures. Flops. And Stooges. Then again, I’m sugarcoating it.

On the other hand, God bless them. These folks are unwittingly doing more to help make Barack Obama a one-term president than…well, Barack Obama himself.

Heck, we already know Republicans and conservatives are united in their desire to defeat The Chosen One next year, but this rag-tag team of unhappy campers is helping cement in the minds of the all-important “independent” voters that having a Community Organizer-in-Chief ain’t gonna create jobs or prosperity.

I crossed paths with the “occupation” in Baltimore while taking my 11-year-old daughter and her 7-year-old cousin on a “Girls Day Out” to the Baltimore Aquarium. The first yahoo we encountered was holding a sign reading “My family is almost bankrupt.” I tried (no, really, I did) to hold my tongue, but I just couldn’t help myself.

“Um, maybe if you’d look for a job instead of standing here on a street corner holding up a stupid sign your family wouldn’t be facing bankruptcy.”

“I’m in construction. There are no jobs.”

“Um, how about bussing tables”

“Bus tables? I’m a skilled carpenter. I ain’t bussing no tables.”

“Then I ain’t feeling sorry for you.”

It went downhill from there. So we just kept walking through Loserville – past the pony-tailed guy playing with his hula-hoop, the bongo guy, the rocket surgeon crayoning hand-made signs attacking corporate greed, and other assorted circus-like performers.

But those guys were pikers compared to their DC brethren.

Now, to be fair the DC crowd might have been uglier and smellier simply because the tent-city occupiers” were camping out on territory usually reserved for the capital’s homeless (formerly known as “bums” before PC ruled the roost) and the lure of free food – even though it appeared to be “organic” – helped make allies out of, well, natural allies.

Losers of a feather flock together.

Now, if it seems I’m being harsh, tough. Class warfare whining, belly-aching, kvetching, moaning and groaning about freebies and entitlements may be a God-given free speech right, but it’s not a trait most productive Americans choose to support. And if next November’s presidential election is a choice between these “occupiers” and the “tea partiers,” I’m liking our chances.