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Sandoval Letter Full of More Whoppers than a Burger King

I just received a new fundraising letter from the re-election campaign of Nevada Gov. Brian Sandoval (R&R-Partners)…apparently drafted by a teen-age fiction writer…that is absolutely mind-blowing in its disingenuousness.

Philosophical differences aside, you’d at least expect a high level of honesty from a former federal judge. But you’d be disappointed.

Right from Jump Street we get off on the wrong foot with “Dear Friend.” In the immortal words of Nick Nolte to Eddie Murphy in the movie 48 Hours, “Now, get this! We ain’t partners. We ain’t brothers. And we ain’t friends.”

And we ain’t.

The fact is, Brian Sandoval, when running for governor in 2010, gave his word – and told us his word was his bond – that he would not raise taxes or extend the $620 million worth of “temporary” tax hikes. He did both. Those are not the actions of a “friend.”

Whether you think promising not to raise taxes was a smart or good thing to do or not, he made that promise in trying to win his election. He gave his word. Make a promise; keep a promise. Isn’t that what we teach our kids?

The governor didn’t.

But back to the letter…

“…I am proud to say that step-by-step we are writing the remarkable story of Nevada’s Comeback.”

What comeback? After three years under Sandoval’s say anything/do nothing administration, we’re still leading the nation in unemployment, our housing market still sucks and our public schools would have to improve by 120% just to get to crappy

What’s “remarkable” about that?

And what’s with capitalizing “Comeback”? Is that supposed to make us think it’s even bigger than it already isn’t?

“…finishing this success story is why I’m asking you to hire me again.”

What success story? After three years under Sandoval’s say anything/do nothing administration, we’re still leading the nation in unemployment, our housing market still sucks and our public schools would have to improve by 120% just to get to crappy.

And Nevadans didn’t “hire” him, they elected him. If we had hired him we’d have been able to fire him the day after we caught him with his hand in the cookie jar taking $620 million of our tax money. Twice.

“Nevada’s Comeback is out of the blocks and it’s time to put the pedal down.”

Huh? Talk about a mixed metaphor.

In any event, it’s more like Nevada’s economy is still up on blocks and no matter how hard you press down on the pedal, you ain’t goin’ anywhere. Granted, the wheels came off this puppy before Sandoval took office, but all he’s done since then is paint some racing stripes on the side and make vroom!-vroom! noises.

And what’s with the capital “C” in comeback again?

“On our watch, after making a tough call to cut $500 million in state spending AND cutting payroll taxes by $90 million…”

Put your boots on folks, now it’s starting to get deep.

Just look at the numbers. The governor’s budget INCREASED spending by more than $500 million, not cut it. And he DOUBLED the payroll tax rate on Nevada’s largest employers, not cut it. This here claim gets a full four Pinocchio’s.

“It’s optimism that powers prosperity. Small Government primes the pump, but Big Government sucks it dry.”

Oh, puh-lease. Who’s writing this crap?

Optimism doesn’t power prosperity. I know plenty of optimistic poor people. You can’t just talk and think a sunny disposition will make everything all better. Life just doesn’t work that way.

Yes, big government sucks the life out of a prosperous economy…but the fact remains, since taking office Sandoval’s government has gotten bigger, not smaller. Just look at what he’s done in expanding Medicaid!

And what’s with capitalizing “Small Government” and “Big Government”? Did somebody miss a grammar class in grade school?

“I know from personal experience that faith, elbow grease and education hold the keys to success for all who dare to tune out the naysayers and – self-powered by grit – lace up their shoes every morning to take their shot at success.”

O…M…G.

Seriously, did a high-school intern write this letter? “Elbow grease”? “Tune out the naysayers”? “Self-powered by grit”? “Lace up their shoes”? “Take their shot at success”? Sounds like the ghost-writer was watching a Tony Robbins infomercial while drafting this drivel.

“And I am incredibly proud that the list of companies with great jobs looking to relocate to Nevada…now fills pages.”

Um, “looking” to relocate isn’t the same as, you know, actually relocating. Or as John Wayne put it in The Cowboys, “Tryin’ don’t get it done, son.”

“The success of our re-election campaign truly counts on your early support…”

Better hope not!

“…it doesn’t take much knowledge of modern political math to realize that the very last thing national Democrats and the Obama campaign machine want is a conservative free market Republican winning again in Nevada.”

What?!! Bob Beers is running for governor?!!

Come on, guys. Sandoval can maybe boast he hasn’t done any big harm, but anybody who thinks that he’s a “conservative free market Republican” has obviously been spending WAY too much time at one of Sen. Tick Segerblom’s marijuana dispensaries.

If Brian Sandoval is a “conservative free market Republican,” then I’m Husband of the Year. (Check with Gia, but I think I’m on pretty solid ground on this one!)

“This campaign will be anything but a free pass…”

No, this campaign IS a free pass. All of the most viable, credible Democrat candidates have taken a pass on this race, including Attorney General Catherine Cortez-Masto and Secretary of State Ross Miller.

“I’m counting on your renewed support for my campaign to tell voters on BOTH sides of the aisle about our conservative accomplishments and optimism for Nevada’s future.”

What conservative accomplishments?

Sandoval has broken his word and raised taxes, increased spending, gave driver’s licenses to illegals, expanded Medicaid, implemented ObamaCare, kicked out the only movement conservative in his administration (former state schools chief Jim Guthrie) and hasn’t lifted a finger to pass school vouchers.

There’s been no serious state employee pension reform, no construction defect reform, no reform to organized labor’s “prevailing wage” welfare program…nothing, nada, zip.

“Taxes: We’ve stopped not one but FOUR attempts by Democrats to raise billions in higher state taxes…”

This is like the rooster taking credit for the sun rising. The truth is, those Democrat proposals to raise taxes never made it to the governor’s desk. He didn’t stop them; Republicans in the Legislature stopped them.

On the other hand, Gov. Sandoval did break his word and has raised taxes himself by over $1.4 billion by extending the “temporary” tax hikes from 2009, not once, but twice. Funny how his letter didn’t mention that.

“Balanced budgets: We’ve balanced two consecutive state budgets WITHOUT raising your taxes…”

That’s just an outright lie. See above regarding the “temporary” taxes Sandoval raised. And those weren’t the only tax hikes. There are plenty more of lesser amounts.

“Education: We won landmark school reforms by ending teacher tenure and expanding charter schools.”

Well, the first part simply isn’t true. Teacher tenure lives in collective bargaining agreements. And as for expanding charter schools, that’s not what the governor ran on. He ran on a promise to get us school vouchers. On that subject, the Guv gets a solid “F.”

“Belt tightening: We made tough choices to have government live within its means…”

No he didn’t. This may be the biggest whopper of them all.

The toughest choice would have been keeping the governor’s word in 2011 and 2013 and let the “temporary” tax hikes expire and roll government spending back to pre-recession levels as he campaigned to do. Instead, the governor re-imposed those tax hikes and spent the money.

He’s also found millions of dollars in the sofa cushions around the governor’s mansion and has spent that, too.

“Made tough choices”? Give me a break.

How a former federal judge can make such false claims with a straight face is beyond me. I think in court they call this “perjury.”

There’s more – plus the requisite pitch to donate money to help spread these falsehoods and deceptions “through the internet, mail, TV and door to door” – but you get the idea.

All I know is that the Sandoval campaign ought to be damned glad there are no truth-in-labeling laws that apply to politics. Otherwise the governor might find himself on the other side of that federal bench upon which he once sat.